Oh How God Changes Our Plans...

Wow.  It has literally been 13 months since I remembered I had a blog.  Thankfully I remembered the password and can utilize it once more.  Will I keep up with it? Who knows.  Perhaps if I have more nights when I can't sleep and have nothing better to do.

So, this blog was intended to record my many adventures and thoughts about my time in Puerto Rico.  This time last week I believed that my life on the island was about finished.  All year I've been planning to leave and I've been working hard applying for jobs in Kentucky.  God seems to have other plans for me.  It had been weighing heavily on my heart to reconsider returning here for one more year.  I could have waited faithfully all summer for an answer from God and still pursued a career at home, or I could save myself the misery and discuss the possibility of remaining here with my family before summer even begins and make a decision and go with it.  There are a handful of reasons why I feel like I need to return, however once I have made that decision God has made it clear that this is where I need to be.

It has been a difficult year to say the least.  It has included personal pain and heartache (you know, the girly kind that I embarrassingly worked through), followed by many spiritual attacks on so many of my loved ones here.  Oh and I started grad school and had a very busy working life this year to top it off.  What can I say?  When good things are happening the enemy will attack.  That would be a summary of this last year here in Puerto Rico.  But when the enemy attacks he really is only fighting against God.  We all know how that ends up.  What doesn't kill us makes us stronger as individuals and even stronger as group of believes who are in this together.  I have never had stronger relationships and support outside of my own blood family.  So even though it is killing me to spend another year away from my actual family, I just feel that my Puerto Rican family is not one I should walk away from just yet.

In a little over a week I will be home in Cincinnati for the summer. I'm stoked and can't wait to be with my parents, siblings and nephews.  This summer will be a summer to enjoy them, and also of prayer.  I will be praying that God makes my ministry for this next year clear to me, so I can choose a direction in Puerto Rico that will be fruitful to him.

One thing that does come to mind before I go to bed... it has been clear for two years in a row (but for two different reasons) God has wanted me to remember the same promise from Exodus 14:14:  The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.

Seriously, I'm not the best blogger in the world.

So next week rings in the month of May. The last blog I had on here was in January. I'm so great at keeping you all updated on my life in Puerto Rico! Ugh... I do apologize but I figure I talk to a lot of you on Facebook, text, email, etc. So maybe that has kept you all updated enough. I hope.

Now that my apology (to some degree) is out of the way, can I please update you on my life here in Puerto Rico?

Of course, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my students! I feel like I have been falling in love with them more and more. We have been having such a fantastic year, and I have watched them grow into reading, writing, Jesus loving, recycling, fun loving crazy kids! The crazy part was added because there is less than a month of school yet, so they've gotten into their crazy mode. It won't go away, so I need to embrace it and be crazy with them I suppose. Yesterday as a class we realized that I only had 20 days left of being their teacher, and we had a sad moment together :( I am just aching for summer to get here so I can go home, but truth be told when it gets to the end of my time with them, I will be very sad. Anyone who has known me as I had to depart from a group of kids that I've worked with will know how devastated I feel when it is time to say good-bye to my students. Oh, I just love them SO much!!! Here's a photo of them so you can see and love them too!

What else is exciting here besides my kindergartners? Just about everything!!! I've had the best weekend and week, but with the high school kids. Last weekend we held a retreat for the 7th-11th graders. The theme of the retreat was along the lines of Mission Impossible, but of course, the mission is possible. The retreat was phenomenal!!!!! All of the kids and staff just enjoyed every bit of it, from the worship, to the games, to our amazing speaker RoRo Eustache from Haitian Christian Outreach. He shared so many stories and the faith of him and his people with our kids this past weekend. Many of you many know him or have heard him speak, and you know how much of a blessing it is to hear him. He is a man that Christ shines through in volumes. If I can say one thing about the retreat, it is this: God was there! God was at work, and there is absolutely no doubt in that!!!!

We also had a group from Louisville, KY come for the retreat to help us out, and again, there was God doing His work. This group was composed of some of the most down-to-earth and godly people you could meet. They really connected with all of us here in Puerto Rico, and even though we only knew them for a few days, we all felt a little heartache when they left. The good news is they are close to where I live at home, and now I'm very excited about visiting with them this summer. We all really appreciated and cherished their time with us. Why don't I show you a photo of them also? I'll put a photo of RoRo there too.

Thanks everyone who has been praying and sending encouragements. I cannot wait to get home and see you all shortly!!!!

Here and Now

It has been well over a month since I have updated my blog. Here is an update: God is good. God is so good and He gives me well over the limit of what I actually deserve.

Since I blogged last, I was able to fly home to Cincinnati for three wonderful weeks. I tell you what, I do love living here in Puerto Rico, but there is NO place like home. Home was what I needed. My family, my friends. Odd how a bit of my decision to move to Puerto Rico almost felt like an escape, and then to return again was also a similar feeling. Perhaps leaving is what I needed to realize how much I actually do love and appreciate home. In my Life Plan, I will return to live, teach, and minister in Cincinnati. It feels right, but I never know what God has in store. Who does? (p.s. If you've figured it out, pass it on) However, I am the type of person who, let's be honest, over analyzes basically everything, and once I know what I am doing right now, I can't stop obsessing over the next step.

I didn't make any resolutions for the new year, but perhaps it should be to stop obsessing over the future and focus on the "here and now." So I am. And what is the "here and now?" Well, it's 22 students that I have promised to love and educate. It's a church that I have promised to serve in. It's a group of people here who have decided to love and support me just because they can. I'd say that God has indeed blessed me beyond what I deserve right now.

Everyone needs a break!

Right now I am looking at my calendar and realizing that tomorrow is December 9th. I'm amazed, because I go outside during the day and it's in the 80's. It so difficult to grasp the idea that it's Christmas time. The weather obviously isn't going to be an indicator of this for my mind, but the stress and the craziness around me is. Fact: Kids are crazy the weeks leading up to a break from school. They may be good kids, but they are hyper. Everyone around me is feeling the craziness and it seems like everyone just needs a break right now. Myself included. Thankfully my school has a longer break for the holidays, because Puerto Rico celebrates Three Kings Day early in January. This gives me more time at home. I will be flying home to Ohio late in the evening on Monday, December 19th. This cannot come any sooner. No matter how much I love my life here, a girl just needs a bit of home sometimes. I could use a good dose of my family and friends, and a good dose of Cincinnati right now.

Just tonight I was posting on the Facebook wall of someone I was close to when I lived in Spain more than four years ago. I haven't really spoken to her much since, and she just now created a Facebook page for herself. It is such a good feeling to know that I can connect with her so much easier now. This lead my mind on a trip down memory lane and I began looking at pictures from my trip in Spain in my Facebook albums. This lead me to look at many more of my photos, and as I was doing that I had a realization: I am only 25 and my life has been ridiculously fulfilling up to this point. Just my Facebook photos alone show that, and that's only been in the past 5 years or so. I'm in awe look at my life as a whole through my Facebook albums. All at once, I am speechless to my God for what He has provided for me. All of the people He's placed in my life, those who will be here forever or those who come in for just a short time. All of the places He has sent me. All of the experiences and accomplishments I have had. Wow. God is incredible. God is good. How can I ever complain again that my life doesn't make sense?

Please pray for everyone here in Puerto Rico with me as we can make it through the final stretch until we embark on a much needed break. Also, many of us are traveling back to the States. Please pray for our safety as we do so!

Happy Thanksgiving!

This has been one of the busiest weeks I've experienced as a teacher in a long time. Possibly the busiest. In the three days of school this week we have been celebrating Thanksgiving and Puerto Rico. Last night at school we held an event called Noche de Puerto Rico. Each class was able to represent a different area of Puerto Rico. My kindergarteners represented Rio Grande and El Yunque Rainforest. They sang a song about the coqui frogs and they were adorable! Even though this past week has been ridiculously busy and stressfull, I will admit that I am glad that the events occured. The past few days have also been an incredible bonding experience between my students and I!

This Thanksgiving morning I can honestly say that I feel so blessed and grateful to God for what He has given me here. At the end of a short and extremely stressfull week, I found myself sitting on my couch this morning with three wonderful friends relaxing and watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Thousands of miles away, I can slow down and be surrounded by loved ones while still celebrating the same traditions that I'm used to each year. I miss my family, but I am not alone on this holiday. Now, two types of pumpkin pies and a batch of cranbarry pumpkin muffins later, we are all going to get together again for Thanksgiving dinner tonight. Community and closeness is not lacking here on the island.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! And may God be with you (seriously) as you head out to do your Black Friday shopping tonight/tomorrow. I myself am avoiding the stores and will take the day to relax and then prepare for some of the girls to come over for some Christmas treats and a Christmas movie :)

Jehovah-Jireh

The Israelites used many names to refer to God. I like this idea because when we refer to God, what to do we say?  "Dear God..." I just feel that is a very impersonal way to connect with Him.  Here in Puerto Rico, God is often referred to as Papa Dios. This name places a very personal connotation on God as our father. When the Israelites called to Him, they would call to Him according to His characteristics and the role He played in their lives.  For example, here are some following names that I learned this week during my Bible study (Beth Moore's A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place):

• El Elyon: The Most High God
• El Shaddai: The Caregiver
• Jehovah-Shamma: The Lord is present
• Jehovah-Jireh: God will provide
• Jehovah-Rapha: God who heals

     I want to talk about Jehovah-Jireh right now, because I feel like this is the name that God has been trying to get me to grasp since I set foot in Puerto Rico. Actually, to be fair to God, I think He's been sending me this message for a long time previous to my arrival, but I just didn't care to learn it. Today I realized that prior to my arrival, I was so much blinding by what God was not providing for me (what I thought He should have been providing for me), that I didn't care to see anything else, including WHY He wasn't providing what I wanted at that time.

     God provided manna for the Israelites in the desert every single day. He provided for them what they needed WHEN they needed it. That's what He does with me, with us too. He has not only given me exactly what I need for physical life here (food, a place to live, items for my classroom, kitchen supplies, etc), but He has gone further. He cares about the basic needs of daily life, yes, but not as much as He does about our emotional, social, and spiritual needs. He has given me the fellowship that I needed so badly with all of the amazing friends here. Yet He has given me the push, the nudge, and the reasons that I needed to get back into studying the Bible and spending time with Him. Being apathetic for so long wasn't good for me, and to be the person that I have a feeling He wants me to be in life, then it was time to jump back on the bandwagon. The way I feel about God right now is nowhere close to how I felt a months ago.

Jehovah-Jireh provides for ALL needs in our lives. Keep in mind, however, that the Israelites had to wake up every morning, go out and gather the manna. He will provide for our needs, that is true, but we also have be willing to receive it.

Last thought: The Israelites gathered enough for those in their tent. Why don't we also give what God has provided to us, to those who are in need or for those who cannot gather it on their own?

And if our God is for us, then who can ever stop us?

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to

be still." 

 (Exodus 14:14 NIV)

     I came across this verse earlier this week during my Bible study. The Israelites, led by Moses, were being pursued by the Egyptians. The Israelites, feeling scared and hopeless, had a sea ahead of them and an army behind them. These were the words that were spoken to Moses just before the instructions to lift his staff and observe the miraculous rescue that would follow.

     When I read this verse the first time this week, I had chills. It's been awhile since Scripture has had that effect on me. I'm glad that it did, because this is a verse that I cannot get out of my head this week. Last night as I was at our weekly womens' Bible study I began feeling very discouraged. When I got home and began going about my business I just felt like Satan was attacking me. This state of spiritual unrest lasted about 45 minutes or so, but I kept repeating Exodus 14:14 over and over again in prayer: "Jesus, you will fight for me. I just need to be still. YOU will fight Satan off of me right now. I need to just relax."  I went to bed still feeling horrible, but had this feeling that I should get online one last time before I went to sleep. Sure enough when I got on Facebook I had an answer from God. There was a message from a friend that was expressing the complete opposite of the lie I knew Satan was throwing at me all night. It was like God was confirming my prayer... HE was fighting for me last night.

     It's a pain that Satan never seems to stop. I've noticed his plan of attack often changes though. For the past couple of years at home there was one area of my life that he tore me to shreds with. It seemed like no matter how hard I fought, there was no relief. Here in Puerto Rico, however, I know he cannot touch that area of my life, for now at least. God's made it clear to me that I have relief. But now that I have a break with that area of my life, I am noticing Satan creeping in other areas. He isn't going to give up. Once we feel one thing is conquered, he's going to change weapons on us. Someone along the line has told me that anyone who actively pursues Christ and his ministry are Satan's greatest threats. He works double time on us.  I'm not sure if that's true or not, but it sure is obvious that he isn't going to back down. He will always find ways to get at us, even if he has to switch gears for awhile. 

     With that said, then it's a relief to know that he has nothing on our God. And if God is for us, then who can ever stop us????? (And yes, that is Chris Tomlin I am quoting.)

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."

Surprise Visit

This past Thursday night I was awoken by a strange phone call from my brother telling me to go look outside. Thinking he was crazy but wanting him to leave me alone, I go outside and guess who is standing outside my front door? Tony and Erin!!!!! How about the most incredible surprise ever, right!??! They stayed through the weekend and left Monday morning. We packed so much into the weekend, yet it was so much fun. My heart aches for them now, but it was the greatest weekend. I haven't laughed that much in a long time, and it was so encouraging to have them here with me in my little pocket of the world here. I could go on for paragraphs about how much I loved having my siblings here with me this weekend!

I have a friend at home who is having a baby any day this week or at least by next Monday. Please keep her in your prayers as she is in her final days :)

Eat, Pray, Love

Sometimes I feel like the Bible college graduate who has a wasted degree. It's as if I walked down that stage, accepted my diploma (or you know, the fake one until the REAL one comes in the mail), and BAM... my head is completely cleared and I know nothing about the Bible anymore. Of course I haven't applied all my Bible-related class knowledge to my job for the past two and a half years. Teaching in public schools and presenting programs at a public museum doesn't require (and allow for that matter) me to display my knowledge of the Scriptures to those I work with. And in all honestly, my time between college and two and half months ago wasn't filled with much ministry work on my part. But now things are different.

I always knew and dreamed that I would do missionary and ministry work. Even as a teenager I could picture my life serving in churches, leading Bible studies or whatever else I felt that I needed to do for the Kingdom. When you attend enough CIY conferences as a teen, it's really difficult to imagine a life without them :) As college ended and my career aspirations grew stronger, I sort of put those dreams to the back of my mind with the thought of "one day in the distant future." Well this morning I woke up and guess what? I am living in a new place. I am teaching at a Christian school, with Bible as a subject that I'm required to teach. I'm also serving in a new church- not only facilitating a small group for older kids, but helping to lead a Beth Moore Woman's Bible study. My life is the Bible now. I realize that I have gotten my wish- my dreams as a teenager have come true much earlier than I realized. Yet here I am feeling like I don't know the Bible at all. Last night I was faced with a conversation relating to the Hebrew nation and salvation, their lineage, etc. A conversation that I should have been able to easily say "Here's what I think and here's what the Bible says about it..." I was able to spit out a few somewhat reasonable sentences, but to be honest I was dumbfounded. I knew my position, I just didn't know why.

1 Peter 3:15 says "But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect."  Thank you to my highschool youth minister, because that verse will NEVER leave me, thanks to him. Okay, so last night I wasn't presented with anyone wanting me to tell them all the reasons why I believe in Christ as my Savior, however I still needed to share my convictions. Being unable to do so left me so unnerved. I got out my Bible, did some poking around the New Testament, came up with specifics to back up my belief, felt better and went to bed. But that is not good enough. This is the Word of God that I claim to believe with all my heart, mind, and soul. My dreams in life have been to serve God in ministry my whole life. I've paid thousands of dollars to get a degree in it. Why don't I know it? 

Tonight I was watching the movie Eat, Pray, Love and thinking about how interesting it would be to go on a journey around the world to re-learn myself. Then I realized that I am here, I've already begun. I don't have to go around the world. Honestly I didn't even have to move to this island. What I need to do is to study. My journey isn't about me, it's about God and about giving my life to Him. So it's time that I open up my Bible, re-visit some of my college course required texts and learn this. Because now it's time for me to really apply it to my life, and to help others. So maybe my time here won't be Eat, Pray, Love. Maybe it should be more along the lines of Learn, Pray, Love. The "Eat" part is already taken care of here in Puerto Rico!

Where are you?

It's past midnight and just one of those nights where I have too much on my mind. So, what else should a girl do but blog?

Next week I will begin something new: leading a Women's Bible study. This will be with women from my school and church, and we will study Beth Moore's A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place. Although Beth Moore is prominantly known, I've never done one of her studies before. Not sure if I've ever read any of her books come to think of it. At this point I've watched the introductory video in preparation for next week, and I am pumped. The main concept of this study is that God pursues us. He is in constant pursuit of us. In the introduction, Beth Moore says that God asks "Where are you?" Wherever we are in life, physically, spiritually, emotionally, He will meet us there.

This is a pretty loaded question for me right now. I'm in Puerto Rico, duh. I'm thousands of miles away in a brand new life that is drastically different than my life has been in the past few years. Everything I've been crying over, that I've been discontent about, everything that I've been begging God with every fiber of my being to give me (or give me relief from), I have been given. Ask and you shall receive. He's done so much so that I'm not even sure what do do with all of this: with a job and a full life that gives me purpose and meaning every day. With all the fellowship I could ask for. With the relief from things that Satan has used to torment me and tear my self-worth to shreds. Of course I miss home and my family, yet my life here is fulfilling so it doesn't make my homesick as extreme.

 That is where I am right now, and I feel that this question of  "Where are you?" is so pivotal in the continuation of this study. Leading this group of women is going to be a new but enriching experience.

So.... where are you? Wherever you are, that is will God will go as He pursues you.

Fall

It's not an understatement to say that I have a slight obsession with fall. That obsession is probably worse this year since I am living on an island where of course leaves don't change color and the temperature doesn't become "crisp." There aren't hayrides or visits to the pumkin patches. I am missing fall so much more, knowing I cannot experience it. Except in ways that I can bring fall to the island.

So, I have been frantically been searching for fall scents to add to my apartment and classrooms. I am planning to host a fall party later in October so that all those here can bring their own fall recipes and traditions. I've even added a few decorations to my classroom. More will be added before long.

My favorite thing so far is my students' reactions to fall. I haven't failed in communicating  how much I love the season. I've been reading books about fall this week, and their faces are priceless when they see they red, yellow, and orange trees. They've never seen this in person before, so it's as if they are seeing a magical land of pretty trees. I wish that I had a pile of leaves for them to jump into. Maybe with a year's time I can figure out how to make that happen for next year's kindergarteners. They will be decorating their own leaves tomorrow to hang in my classroom, and I can't wait to see their reaction when they come in the room on Friday and see the leaves above their seats. It amazes me how even though I've lived through 24 falls, they have never experienced it before. Yet we are celebrating together with almost equal excitement. Makes me wonder how they will react when I teach them about winter and snow!

Carrying Burdens

It's pretty late (for a school night). For the second night in a row, I cannot sleep. Last night it was because I bought my plane ticket to go home for Christmas, and the excitement kept me from sleeping. Tonight it is a much different reason.

Ever have one of those days or weeks when you realize that while everything is going great for you personally, those around you are in pain and there's nothing that can be done? What do you do when a friend tells you news that is causing them and their family so much pain, and there are no words? Sometimes there truly just are not words. Especially if it is a situation that we have no personal experience with.  Maybe that is where the whole "carry each others' burdens" thing comes to play. Perhaps that doesn't translate to "Say encouraging things and look up Scripture to help them feel better or see things the correct way." Let's just be honest, how many times have you had something horrible happen and all you get is cheesy cliched quotes that make you feel everything but relieved or encouraged. Maybe I'm saying this because it is a pet peeve of mine, but it's also honest.

Possibly to carry another person's burden means something more along the lines of keeping my mouth shut, even in trying to find the right words for prayer. Perhaps it means to feel their sorrow also; to experience their pain, to cry for them. Or to have that horrible sinking feeling in the bottom of your heart and offer that to God instead of words. Especially if their sorrow and pain is so great that they cannot bring themselves to go to Him themselves. When there is a lack of knowing what to say in response to their news, many of us say "I'm praying for you." Maybe it should be "I'm crying for you" or "I'm hurting for you" instead. Turning to God and seeking his Greatness means more than just saying words.

Rainy Days = Crazy Students!

     The past couple of weeks have been incredibly busy and exhausting. While the workload hasn't been greater necessarily, I haven't been feeling very well. This appears to be the sick season in Puerto Rico. Many of my students have been out sick and many of the staff at the school are getting sick as well. While most of them have been experiencing more obvious symptoms, I've just been feeling very exhausted each day. This was most evident last weekend through earlier this week, however the last couple of days I've been feeling much better. Please pray for the staff and students here at school though as many are not feeling well. I even students who have missed multiple days of school because of this.
   
     The Toa Baja Christian Church has officially begun their new transformation into a child-centered church. The first two weeks were quite a blessing with several children from the school and neighborhood in attendance, as well as their parents. Everyone seems to really enjoy the morning as well as the curriculum. In September our theme is "faith." I have been working with the 5th and 6th graders who I enjoy very much. The first week went well, but I felt that last week everyone was more relaxed and ready to have fun. This is a ministry that I am stoked about. Please continue to pray for Toa Baja church, our leaders and the children that we will be serving as this ministry unfolds. I will try to upload some photos on here when they come available.

     As I finish up this blog, I would like to share with you some encouraging words that I heard today. As I have kindergartners, my days are pretty hectic. I have been in a constant struggle of how to control them as I am getting used to this new school and its curriculum in addition to everything else I am learning to adapt to. This week has been rainy so the kids have not had recess and have been extra antsy and rambunctious, so my stress level has been a bit higher. Any teacher, parent, or anyone who has worked with children can understand this feeling. At the staff meeting today a second grade teacher shared this in her devotion, paraphrased of course: Keep in mind that it is not you who chose your students. God allowed you to have them. And he knows what each of those students needs, and YOU are the perfect teacher for each of your students this year.

     Needless to say, that definitely has got me thinking today...

Birthday Surprise!

It has been a very busy week. Last Saturday my parents surprised me with a visit that they've had planned since before I moved here! It was wonderful to have them here all week to join in on my life in Puerto Rico. They decorated my bedroom in my apartment, and it is beautiful.  It's uplifiting to have a bit of their creativity in my daily life! They were also able to visit my classroom, do a lot of sightseeing around the island, and celebrate my birthday with me. The rainforest has been closed due to hurricane damage, unfortunately, however there were still plenty of places to visit, including Old San Juan, the forts of San Juan, and an island owned by Puerto Rico called Culebra. Check out my Facebook page for photographs!!! Needless to say their surprise visit was such a great birthday present!

Yesterday was such an exciting day at the Toa Baja Christian Church. We had our Children's Service Kick-Off day. From now on our church's focus will turn to children's ministry in hopes to reach children and their parents in Levittown. We will begin each service with fun worship songs for the kids followed by a message. After this the kids split into small groups according to their grade. I am a leader for the 5th and 6th grade group with a college student named Marisol. The curriculum that we are using has a different theme for each month, and the month of September is about faith. Please Continue to pray for the TBCC ministry and the changes we are undergoing. We are encouraged after yesterday's kick-off, as all children and their parents seemed to enjoy the morning very much!

Spill the Beans

As I was sitting in church this past Sunday I had a revealing thought. I couldn't even tell you what was said in the sermon or worship song that brought upon this thought. The sermon, preached by a wonderful teacher here named Craig Beatty, was about Abraham and many new thoughts on the story of sacrificing were mentioned. My epiphany didn't have much to do with Abraham, I don't think, unless it was a tangent thought that resulted from something mentioned in the sermon. My mind went to specific stressors that I have been dealing with in my job here, and I realized that in all the things I've prayed about since I arrived here, I have not talked to God about my classroom. That's crazy! That is why I am here, and I haven't even thought to say "Hey God, so this is what is beginning to stress me out in my job..."

Earlier today I was reminded of this again, when I was explaining to some friends another unrelated situation that stresses me out. Yet, I haven't been talking to God about that either. So just now I made a list of other things that I really haven't been praying about, and they are some pretty common threads of thoughts and emotions in my daily life. Hmm....

If God is our Father, or Papa Dios as he is known on this island, then why aren't I talking to him about these everyday things that direct my thoughts and actions? Perhaps somethings are difficult to face God with, because I know what He will tell me and it's uncomfortable with. Or perhaps I just don't think to talk to Him about it. There are different reasons for different situations I assume, however God is our Father. If God is the Father, shouldn't we be the child that at the end of the day curls up in his lap and just spill our beans about our day, as insignificant as some things may appear? Wouldn't Papa Dios want to hear anything that we have to say, just as any father would feel about a conversation with his child? The Gospels do tell us that God has a softspot for children and we should have faith like them. Perhaps I am taking that out of context, yet perhaps that encompasses talking to Him about anything and everything we can think of, because that is what we would do with our parents as a child. Let me know your thoughts!

Irene

Last night I faced my first official tropical storm, which was upgraded to a category 1 hurricane. Irene was very loud and windy, however all is well. Our electricity is back on and there really isn't much damage outside of some tree branches and fruit down on the ground. I haven't been out in the streets, but I have heard there were some streets closed for flooding. Thank you everyone for your prayers!

The Kites of El Morro

     After a long, hard work week, I decided that I will make sure I relax and have fun this weekend. After spending last night with some good friends having a girl's night with cookies and chick flicks, today was filled with beach time and Old San Juan. While walking around Old San Juan, I was amazed at how gorgeous the city is with the Old Spanish architectural influence in the small and windy streets. There are two Spanish forts, one that wraps around the coast line of the city. It is called El Morro and it is open to the public as almost a park area. It the open space people go and fly kites. Unfortunately I did not have my camera to take a photograph, but try to imagine an old fort wall overlooking the sea with kites filling the sky. It's really an amazing thing to see. Or you could just Google it, and you will see what I had the privilege to see today.

     Earlier this week my good friend Anna shared an excerpt from a book by author Donald Miller. It is part of the introduction to Through Painted Deserts. I sat in her apartment telling her how much I love it here. I have no desire to leave Puerto Rico, I just wish I could have those that I love at home here with me. I cannot have both worlds at the same time though. Right now I would like to share some of the words from this book that she shared with me:

     I could not have known then that everybody, every person, has to leave, has to change like the seasons; they have to, or they die. The seasons remind me that I must keep changing, and I want to change because it is God's way..... Everybody has to change, or they expire. Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons.
     I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes, so things keep getting born in me, so things keep dying when it is time for things to die. I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, because I was made to figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently.
     .... And my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?
     It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.
     I want to repeat one word for you: Leave.
     Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You will never be alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you that will have changed.
    
    Those are chilling words to someone like me. Chilling, yet comforting, knowing that I am in His hands. I am not even sure how to put into words how it feels right now, knowing how eerily those words apply to my life right now. Thinking that my life is so important to God that He has had me leave, to change, to shine out so that I can be a different person, the person He wants me to be. Yet these words can apply to anyone, anyone who is willling to let Him in.    

The Best Kind of Mail

     It is such a wonderful feeling to get one's own things in the mail. That sounds silly, but when you are thousands of miles away and have shipped your own things and then proceed to wait weeks for them to arrive, it feels good when they finally do. Four out of my five boxes of my personal and teaching items that I shipped from home are here. I'm trying not to be worried about the fifth box, yet it's difficult as it contains many of my teaching files. As for the others, it's not that it's a good feeling to have material things here, but to see MY things. When I'm in a brand new place with no idea on when I will ever be moving back, it's such a relief to open up boxes of my books, my jewelry, my shoes and purses, my teaching supplies, my Spanish books (now I have no excuse, I must get to work), my photographs. Although I can replace many of these things, it's just an extra comfort to be able to hold onto the things that are already mine and carry so many memories.

     I only wish that my family was in those boxes too.

     I have completed my first two days of school. My first two days as a real teacher. It's honestly an odd feeling, knowing that this is me, I'm in charge of the room, and only me. Everything in that classroom, kids included, are under my control. This is it. Given the circumstances of it being the first days of school with 5 year olds, and with it being my first year teaching, as well as the fact I'm in a brand new school, culture, and I have students who don't understand a word I say in English, the first couple of days went very well. Nothing was out of the ordinary of the regular first days of school type of stress. My students are amazing so far, and I cannot wait to get settled into the year and really get to know and teach them. I am in for quite an interesting year. Right now it's still so overwhelming though. Yet, God is good. God is very, very good.

This Isn't a Mission Trip Anymore

     I've been here for just over two weeks now, and I think it has finally hit me. I'm not on a mission trip. This is real, I am living here, and I'm not going home. As much as I love it here (because I do!), as much as God is pouring out his grace and love, and as many wonderful people that are like family to me here, my own family and friends from home are not here with me. I'm so busy and have a meaningful life here, yet that doesn't keep me from missing home. I really miss my family.

    

Papa Dios

     I was informed today that many Puerto Ricans refer to God as Papa Dios. As you have guessed, this is the same as referring to God as the Father, as a father, yet it has a more personal connotation to it. It's putting God at the most personal father figure, and by calling God "Papa Dios," it is saying that God is your personal father, who will take care of you and love you and be everything a father is to his child. My life here in Puerto Rico, as short as it has been, has been nothing but God telling me that he truly is my Papa Dios.
  
     Today's church sermon was about Jonah. I have heard the story of Jonah a hundred times, however today I seemed to hear it differently. In Jonah 1:1 it says that the "word of the Lord came to Jonah." This is when God commanded him to go to Ninevah, and he didn't do what God said, yet he listened. Jonah listened to God. How often do I listen, I mean really listen to God? How often do I make the point to actually sit down with God and listen to him to hear what he wants to tell me? Do I want to hear what God truly wants to tell me? Jonah ran away from God, and 1:4 says "God sent a great wind on the sea, and such a violent storm arose..."  God sent the storm. Sometimes storms are a good things. They hurt, they are painful and confusing, but there are times when God needs us to be in a storm. Why? When we are in a storm we need God. That is when God draws us close to him as the only one who can save us. After Jonah was thrown overboard, verse 17 says "But the Lord provided a great fish to swallow Jonah..." God PROVIDED a fish. This fish saved Jonah's life. He would've drowned without it and God knew that. Yes it was smelly, disgusting, and dark, yet he was rescued from the storm. Not only that, but when you are all by yourself inside a whale, who else are you going to turn to but to God? God isolated him so that Jonah was forced to face God. After this Jonah understood, and he turned to God in prayer. His prayer was full of distress, yet it was also full of praise and recognition of who God is. Actually, the whole prayer is quoted from the Psalms. After his prayer, it was over. The storm was over, the smelly fish was over, and his troubles were over for the time being. Does this mean all we have to do is pray and God will take our hardships away immediately? No. If, however, we run to God and seek him as our Papa Dios, this storm will end. No storm lasts forever.

     I can honestly say that this sermon struck me more than I expected it to. I sat in church so overwhelmed with emotion, knowing that God was talking to me. Have I been running away from him? Not entirely, however without going into much detail, the past couple of years have been rough on our relationship. I've been in a storm and I haven't known what to do about it. Today I felt Papa Dios just letting me know that my storm is finally over. Everything that I have been upset about, begging God for, pleading with God to show me and give me for so long, he has poured over and over me since the day I arrived here in Puerto Rico. I cannot even begin to list all of the incredible blessings and I don't deserve them. After talking to some of my friends about this here today, asking why God would give me all of this at once, the only answer that we could come up with is grace. For the first time, maybe ever, I understand what the phrase "grace pouring over me" means. Sitting in church this morning I felt God's love, his blessings, his provisions, his responses to my many doubts and questions, all just pouring over me in a way I could not explain. That's an incredible (and emotional) experience. This is Papa Dios.

     By the way I am in an apartment. A family that is involved in the church and school has an apartment above their house that they are renting out for me. Here is one blessing that I am excited to explain. This family has offered me this apartment that is completely furnished, has all kitchen supplies and appliances that I need, has light and water included in the price, has internet and cable included, and is very close to the school and many of the teachers in the school. It is absolutely everything that I was looking for but wasn't expecting to get, and at a price $100 cheaper a month than other apartments I was willing to settle with. This family just met me and they wanted to help me out so much they offered it to me. Not only that, there is a car that I will be able to use until I can save up money to buy one here. The real blessing in all of this is the family. They are a very godly, warm, helpful family. Today the father, whom I haven't spoken to before, pulls me aside at church to tell me that I am not a tenant, I am his family now. Even my friends here are overwhelmed with how much of a blessing this is. My gratitude for this family and for God is beyond words at this point.

     Many people, including myself, use the term "blessing" in a tone that almost sounds cheesy. Since I have been here, though, I truly understand what it means. When it comes from Papa Dios, it takes on a whole new meaning. All of my needs are provided. I cannot think of one single thing I am in need of right now. All financial and daily living needs are provided. All classroom needs have been provided. I have a church in which the Spirit is working so strongly and a community of friends that I will be working and serving with in true fellowship.

    Papa Dios es bueno. Papa Dios es amor.

Puerto Rico Fun Fact: The highest grossing Borders bookstore is located in Puerto Rico. Or was, as Borders is about to be non-existent :(